


Silence

by Kiyomice



Category: Teen Top (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-08 23:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17990945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiyomice/pseuds/Kiyomice
Summary: Another peaceful day ahead, without plans, without worries. Waking up next to the person you love, and kissing them a "good morning". This is what Changhyun's life was like. Beautiful, carefree, and happy. He had expected this day to be the same, but he was wrong. Terribly wrong.





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Just a one-shot I wrote back in 2013 ^_^ It's one of my favorite stories I've written. It hasn't been edited since 2013 though, so some of the writing might not necessarily reflect how I would write now. (I don't like editing my older stories because I like seeing how my writing style changes xD)

Morning sunshine, light radiating throughout the city. A beautiful, much needed warmth, comforting a cold, freezing body. It covered his entire being, gently gracing his skin ever so slightly. But not enough. He yearned for the sun's warmth to intensify, to shed him of his shivering, to take away the chills that ran through his body. His eyes closed, hugging his knees to his chest, trying to find even a shred bit more of heat. But it was of no use, the cold feeling continued to run throughout his body, in forms of sweat. It was draining, making him fatigue, making him breathe in and out at a slow pace. He needed air. He needed  _warmth_.

He remembers Byunghun, the image of the older male making its appearance in his mind. He misses that smile, that laughter, and that beautiful skin of his. If only at that moment could he be held in his arms, be kissed by him, and given that warmth he so desperately craved for. The body he would cling to at night, that he would cuddle with at all hours of the day; he wants to embrace it, he wants to indulge in it ever so sinfully, as he had many times before.

Another fierce shiver prolonged itself through Changhyun's body, causing his pain to rise unbearably. He let out a long groan, the sound of it so utterly painful that it was almost sickening to hear. He tried to stay still, to lessen the aching he felt throughout his bones. But the unearthly sensations continued to stab at him, his body involuntarily twitching slightly, and he couldn't stop it. 

He remembers blushing cheeks, the letter Byunghun handed him those years ago. He misses the day of that shy confession, the way the older male looked down, expecting rejection. The way that precious smile graced his lips, his eyes shining brightly, when Changhyun voiced his feelings. The happiness that rang through his heart that day was unable to be measured, for he never imagined his crush to confess to him. It was the very day in which he was blessed with an amazing beginning, a beginning to the countdown of the blissful days they would spend together from then on. 

Blood trickled down his side, staining the fabric of his clothes. He hears voices belonging to several different people, words rushing to his ears that he could hardly make out. Screaming, echoing through his perfect silence. He gazed up at the sun, the perfect sky being etched with small, dancing dots. So this is what they mean, by seeing stars. Stars that accompanied every part of his vision, that wouldn't go away, regardless of how many times he blinked his eyes.

He remembers the first kiss he shared with Byunghun, and just how sweet it felt. His boyfriend would tease him in the cutest way, telling him it was their one week anniversary, and that they should celebrate. He simply rolled his eyes, smiling while doing so. He asked Byunghun what they should do, and the older male suddenly swooped in and stole a kiss from his lips. A small, little peck, lasting only a few seconds. He recalls the innocence in it, how it took him off guard and made him blush. It might not have been very long, and it might not have been what most people expected, but nevertheless, it was the perfect first kiss, and he couldn't have asked for more.

The silence that cascaded itself over him was shattering, ever so slowly. The noise that surrounded him grew louder, pounding in his head. There was something, something irritating and consistent ringing through his ears. A little buzz, crashing and increasing in volume. He tried to will it away, but it only responded by consuming him entirely, throwing him into a trance.

Memories. Memories of running around the playground as a little kid, and digging a hole in the sandbox. Memories of his parents watching him play, with smiles on their faces. A treasured bit of his past, stored away in the back of his mind. He hadn't thought much about his childhood, since his parents died at a young age. His heart aches, it yearns to go back in the past and give his parents one last hug, to tell them he loves them. He wants to hear their comforting words, soft whispers, telling him everything will be alright, and that the pain will be over soon. He desperately wants to ask them to reassure him, to cure him of his doubt, and say he'll be back in Byunghun's arms in no time. That's all he wants, it's all he needs.

But rather than peace surrounding him, an excruciating pain rips through, right below his ribs. The feeling was extreme, in which could only be compared to having the sharpest knife plunged into your body, twisting and penetrating deeply. This, however, wasn't a knife piercing into him.  He whimpered in pain, weakly begging the figure leaning over him to stop hurting him, to stop pressing down on his wound. He looked into the figure's eyes, barely able to make out their face. He could faintly make out the person's deep words, but they were telling him to bare with the pain. They couldn't stop applying pressure, for he would then bleed to death. 

He remembers the taste of sweetness, how last Valentine's day, Byunghun bought him a giant box of chocolates. They came in a heart-shaped box, promising an overload on calories, and a romantic evening. Kisses were shared throughout the day, tongues meeting every so often in an array of bliss and desire. They cuddled on the couch for hours and hours, watching movies and snuggling into each other. When it grew dark, they shared another kiss, one paired with deep passion and lust. It slowly grew into something more, into clothes being ripped off, and bodies dancing together in harmony and pleasure. And afterwards, the sincere exchanging of those three little words, between their panting breaths, made for the perfect ending, to their perfect Valentine's day. 

At the height of his pain, he felt the seconds dragging on, taunting him in the cruelest way. The figure pressing the soft material against his skin mentioned that the ambulance would be there soon, but that was of little comfort. What he needed right now wasn't the anxiety of waiting for help, but the sweet voice of his boyfriend, telling him not to worry. In this desperate moment, he longed to see his beautiful face, and to touch his heavenly skin. 

Changhyun never realized just how far love could influence. His life was full of it, it surrounded him on a daily bases, becoming a resident in his life. When something so precious blends in with the ordinary, its beauty passes by unnoticed. You could say, as he lied down in pain, fighting off the worry of death, that he discovered how truly amazing love was, and just how strong it could be. The memories flowing through his mind were of nothing but Byunghun, and the sweet love that radiated between them.

His chest rose and fell ever so faintly, at an unsteady pace. He felt an incredible weight crush his lungs, and his breathing became heavy. Each breath he drew in brought pain, as if glass was scratching against him from the inside. The effects of blood loss were beginning to show through, an aching headache making its appearance, followed by the complete inability to keep his eyes focused. He felt weak, he vent vulnerable, he felt hopeless. The pain continuously taunted him, as though it were trying to show off just how tortuous it could really be. He wanted it to stop, to the point where he'd almost rather just be put out of his misery, than suffer through this. But almost is the word which draws a fine line between love, and endurance. For Byunghun, he'd suffer through this pain, proudly taking it over death. 

Shapes moved around him, blurry colors huddled together in a mess. He hears the whisper of a female voice, frantic and concerning about how pale he was. He recognized the voice somehow, as it belonged to the lady he saw walking down the sidewalk earlier. Someone he would have otherwise never crossed paths with, had it not been for the thief that tried to steal her purse. 

Life is something filled with surprises, unexpected situations that were to never be foreseen. One small detail, one small bit of information being kept hidden, can cause for the biggest of impacts. Reacting upon a situation, with missing even one detail, can always make things go the opposite of planned. What if Byunghun, those years ago, chose not to confess, simply because there was one bit of information unknown? What if he didn't confess, because he didn't know if Changhyun liked him back? That was the small detail he was missing, the small detail that could have very well stopped him from voicing his feelings, if he let it get in his way. He could have been rejected, he could have lived his life miserably admiring from afar. But that one choice, that one decision to confess, changed two lives in the best of ways. It was a choice that brought the best surprise, a choice that brought upon happiness, and love. Something to never regret, something to be thankful for every single day. 

But surprises are simply that. . . surprises. Something that you're faced with, when an hidden detail is uncovered.

Changhyun had left early that morning, heading to the store to buy a carton of milk for his boyfriend, who just needed it for his cereal that morning. The sun barely made its way into the sky, greeting the population and signaling the start of a new day. A sense of peace worked its way through the city, followed by birds chirping every now and then. It was almost perfection, until Changhyun heard a loud scream rip through the air. He quickly ran towards the noise, finding a frail woman clinging on to a purse, a purse which was being taken away from her by a young man, not much older from himself. 

An instinct feeling ran through him, save the purse. He did what he felt was right, inserting himself in the scene, and weakly trying to snag the purse back. Only a few moments of struggling passed, and in one small, blurry second, a weapon was being pulled out, aiming right towards him. A gun. He had a gun. One little detail which was hidden, one little detail that made all the difference. He could have made the choice to ignore the situation, he could have thought about the danger. But it was a fast decision, one that was made with a detail missing. Life brought him a shock, giving him not even a second to act upon it. The trigger was pulled without hesitation, the bullet swirling towards him in a flash. 

 _Surprise_...

 

Now a nauseated feeling creeps its way into the pit of his stomach, adding another layer of suffering. The pain was unbearable, his body now shaking violently in response to the situation, his thoughts becoming loose and distant. He could feel hands on his shoulders, trying to keep him still, a voice shouting that something was incredibly wrong. The nauseous feeling intensified, alongside with coughs of blood. He heaved again and again, blood spilling out of his mouth with every cough. He could survive this, couldn't he?

He imagined the scent of sweet flowers, the same scent that was used to describe Byunghun's soft, smooth hair. A scent he happily indulged in, a scent he loved. He imagined the flavor of candy, the same flavor of Byunghun's delicious skin. He imagined running his fingers across his boyfriend's body, as they lie naked in bed, finding bliss in holding onto each other. His boyfriend was always fresh and clean, his creamy skin and luscious hair being some of Changhyun's favorite features. He clings onto the images, the thought that these imaginations aren't so distant, that they will become a reality soon. That everything will be fine. 

_That the sleepiness isn't going to pull him into a world of unconsciousness._

 

Sirens sounded in the distance, an obnoxious noise, getting closer and closer. A small, little spark of relief washed through, his body relaxing slightly. Help was here. Help was here to patch him up, to take away the pain and put him back in Byunghun's care, where he'll never be harmed again. Help was here, to repair the life that deteriorated minute by minute. He just had to keep his eyes opened, long enough to be saved. That's all he had to do, then everything would be alright. 

Yuri, a happy little four-legged friend, with a a cute little bark that brought a smile to your face. Their pet dog, that they got only around a year ago, and loved to death. She was a Yorki, who drove them both crazy at times. He remembers the day she was brought into his life, as a nice gift from Byunghun, for his birthday. He always wanted a dog, and was unbelievably happy with her as a gift. She was a cute puppy, so small, and so fragile. They took her on a walk that evening, and strolled through the park holding hands, talking quietly about different things. An hour passed, or maybe it was two, and they sat on a bench together, looking up into the sky. He remembers Byunghun squeezing his hand, grabbing his attention, and their eyes interlocking in a daze. Hearts pounding in a trance, lips meeting in the most delicate way. Passionate kissing, seeming to go on forever, love so purely being passed between them. An experience you can only have with that one person, that one person you know you're meant to be with. In that one moment, when it feels so right, like nothing can tear you apart. It's the best feeling in the world, to know you love them, and they love you.

The ambulance finally arrived, parked in the street with people hopping out from the back and surrounding him. They were rushed, aiding him in a split second, hands everywhere and doing a million different things at once. The person pressing down on his wound was replaced by a medic, the woman whose purse he tried to save was pushed aside, though he met her eyes for a brief moment. His vision was blurred, he could hardly verify that she was the same person, but he hoped she was, for the thought comforted him. 

Everything happened quickly, people rushing him into the ambulance and decorating his body with different devices. A man stared into his eyes, yelling out questions and trying to inform him of his condition. He repeatedly asked him to stay with him, and to keep his eyes opened. Changhyun tried his best to respond, opening his mouth to speak, but no words would come out. It scared him, he couldn't talk, he couldn't do anything. The look in the med's eyes was frantic, as he repeated over and over how important it was for him to not fall asleep. He would ask the most casual questions, in an attempt to focus Changhyun's mind. Changhyun fought to keep his eyelids open, telling himself he could make it, for Byunghun. Just for Byunghun...just keep his eyes open a little longer... just a little while...

...Love. Love is an extraordinary thing, it's an emotion that can completely take over, it can wrap around your heart and become the reason why you live like you do. Changhyun knows this very well, he knows love is why he is the way he is. He knows love is why Byunghun is the way he is as well. Love is the source of his happiness, be it in the form of a kiss, or a simple hug being shared in the early morning. It's something they were always lucky to have, something those around them envied. But what's to envy, that is fated to lose?

Changhyun always imagined being together with Byunghun, living with him and growing old together. He never feared their love would die, he never feared being betrayed by him, or drifting away from him. And he knew Byunghun was the same, that there was nothing that could sever their relationship. That's why their love was perfect, that's why they were envied. He ignored the warnings of those who said all good things must come to an end, but now the thought surfaced to his mind, and he couldn't let it go. 

"Everything's gonna be fine," the loud voice of the med, drenched in a lying coat of confidence. Changhyun felt his heart drop, realizing the sentence was made to reassure him, with the same knowledge that things were looking bad. It was one of those white lies spoken when hope was faint, a lie that was made for comfort, when everyone who hears it instantly knows its true meaning. Something everyone will force themselves to believe in, something that will give them that false hope to keep them from shattering. But for Changhyun, and just like anyone else, the white lie brought upon devastation, and a pang of reality. 

_He wasn't going to make it..._

 

Similar to a blue sky, Byunghun's smile was something to look forward to. Similar to the wind that brushes against you on a hot day, Byunghun's laughter was wonderfully reassuring. Changhyun loves him. He loves him with every ounce of his heart. He needs to tell him so, before he leaves. He needs to tell him he'll watch him from above, he needs to tell him to be strong. He needs to let him know he'll always be with him, so that his absence won't cause him loneliness. He needs to see him one last time, to tell him all of this, so he won't leave with regrets. That's the last thing he wishes for, it's the last wish he needs to have granted. Just to tell him, to not worry...

The oxygen mask which was placed over his mouth several minutes ago was beginning to make his breathing drag out, becoming slower and lighter. He feels the rough shaking of the ambulance, as it sloppily speeds down the road. He'll be brought to the hospital in no time, where he'll finally be able to meet Byunghun, and spend his last moments with him. His mind feels irritatingly cloudily, as he tries to picture it in his head, anticipating it in a desperate way. And then he'll finally be able to close his eyes and drift into that sleep, that sleep that's so anxiously calling out for him to embrace.

His body eventually becomes numb, and a tingling feeling takes over. He blinks his eyes slowly, several times in a row, relaxing and thanking God that the pain was over. But the sleepiness was increasing, causing fear to run through him. He weakly musters the strength to lift his arm, to bring his hand to his mask to try to take it off. Before he could, the med takes notice and removes it for him, asking him what he needs, in a worried voice. He tries to speak, he struggles so desperately to find his voice that he nearly wonders if he's forgotten how to talk. But he can't give up, for he needs to tell them to contact Byunghun, so he can meet him at the hospital. Before it's too late, before he falls into slumber. 

_"B...Byung..."_

 

No. He can't say more, for his vocal cords won't allow him. He can't finish his sentence, he can't let them know he needs Byunghun. He draws in a deep breath, he tries to speak another word, but it's to no avail. The med apologizes, for he needs to put the mask back on, and it's better for Changhyun to not talk. No. This can't happen. He needs to let them know, he just needs to tell them to get Byunghun. If he doesn't, he may not come quick enough, he might not ever see him again. That can't happen. It's just a few words, that's all he needs to get out. That's all.

The mask is over his mouth before he finds his words, but he needs to get it off. He tries to move his arm again, but it won't move. It rests by his side, refusing to cooperate with him. He feels tears gathering in his eyes, he feels his conscious drifting further away. He steadies his mind, taking in the halt of the ambulance, and the opening of its back doors. He's at the hospital. He'll be rushed to the emergency room, someone will identify him and call for Byunghun. He'll see him soon, he'll see him one last time...He has to.

He tries to refrain from closing his eyes, but he needs to blink. He's careful. He slowly closes his eyes, then slowly opens them back up. He cautiously closes them again, and they stay that way for a few moments. He can do this. They open again, he stares at the blurry ceiling for a few seconds before shutting them once more. It's relaxing, but he needs to open them again, for he has to stay awake. Why won't they open? Why do they feel so heavy? Why can't he think properly? Come on. They have to open. He has to open them. It can't be that hard, just open them!

But he can't. 

 

It's foggy, he can't see ahead. He takes a step forward, and then looks down. He's not wearing any shoes, and he's standing in sand. He wiggles his toes a bit, and then hears the clearing of a throat. He looks back up quickly and sees Byunghun, standing only a few feet away from him. The fog is gone, and a perfect blue sea roaring with waves appears behind him. Changhyun can't speak, he's confused, he doesn't know what to say. He takes a small glance upwards and notices the blue sky, its color memorizing, its lack of clouds even more so. A chuckle brings his attention back on the boy in front of him, who is now walking towards him with a smile on his face. He comes right in front of him, close enough to touch, and desire builds in Changhyun. He reaches up and strokes his cheek, unable to stop the grin appearing on his face when he feels that he is real.

He throws his arms around him, embracing him in the tightest hug. He feels Byunghun hug him back, and hears him chuckling again. He pulls away, tears now streaming down his face, and he simply stares into his boyfriend's eyes, overwhelmed with his presence. His Byunghun was here, right in front of him, exactly the same as he always was. He felt a million questions surfacing, but before he could say a word, Byunghun beat him to it.

"Do you know where this is?" 

The question caught him off guard, confusing him momentarily. He looked around, at the endless sand, the blue water, and the perfect sky. It was a beach, of course, but he couldn't help but to think that answer wasn't specific enough. He looked back up at Byunghun, wearing the expression of a confused puppy, and Byunghun laughed yet again. He stared at Byunghun in a daze, a warm feeling taking over his heart. He loved that laugh, the way it radiated through the air made him feel comforted, and happy.

"You don't know where this is?" 

He shook his head slowly, still being entranced with Byunghun's laughter, replaying the sound in his head as best as he could imagine it. It was nice.

"Think a bit. It's a special place." 

Changhyun ponders for a moment, taking in the scenery, and then it hits him. A memory flashes in his mind, taking him to a bit of his past, to a date he and Byunghun went on half a year ago. A date at the beach, where they spent the entire day in each other's company. 

 

They held hands, walking along the sand, laughing and discussing how great the day had been. Earlier, they made castles along the beach, just like little kids would do. They had swam in the water for a bit as well, having splashing wars and teasing each other cutely. Though it had only been the two of them, it was incredibly fun, in fact, it was the most fun either of them had had in what felt like centuries. So now it was time to relax a bit, the pace they were walking at being incredibly slow. The sand was soft against their feet, the weather that had been hot earlier was starting to cool down, to a near perfect temperature.

Some while later, their chatting calmed down, and they were met with a peaceful silence, and a comfortable atmosphere. They walked not much more after that, before deciding to lie down for a bit and watch the clouds passing by. Changhyun lie his head on Byunghun's chest, his eyes closed as the older stroked his hair. It was so relaxing, to the point where he would have almost fallen asleep, had it not been for his boyfriend randomly sparking up another conversation.

"Changhyun," the elder spoke, drawing his attention. He hummed in reply, the sound of it so cute that Byunghun smiled, before starting his next sentence. "This is where I want to be with you, when we're both in heaven. Can you imagine it? We can do this every day, coming to this beach and playing in the sand again, swimming for a while and making more memories together. Doesn't that sound nice?"

Changhyun smiled softly, nodding his head. "That sounds really nice, Byunggie." 

The older male kept stroking his hair, continuing to explain his fantasy. "If I go up before you, I'll wait an eternity to embrace you again. I'll protect you from above, comforting you when you need it... I'll laugh when you laugh, I'll pray for you when you're sad. And when you join me, we will never run out of things to do, and no one will ever again put down our relationship." 

Changhyun felt his smile fade a bit, recalling the numerous times people put them down for their sexuality. But as he listens to the rest of Byunghun's words, those thoughts vanished, being replaced with happiness.

"We will never be tired, we'll never have to feel pain again. I'll be able to hold you in my arms like this forever, and I'll never let you go. There won't be a single cloud in the sky, and no one else on the beach. Just the two of us."

Changhyun sat up a bit and stared down into Byunghun's eyes. "It sounds perfect." 

Byunghun smiled, sitting and pulling Changhyun into a kiss. They then looked into each other's eyes, and Byunghun spoke his next words passionately.

"I love you, Changhyun." 

"I love you as well, Byunghun." 

Silence, conveying the most of their feelings, as they continued to hold onto each other. That silence made the moment perfect, as it somehow became precious as itself, without letting noise interrupt their cuddling. Changhyun never felt more comfortable than he had at that moment.

 

He remembers that day clearly now, missing that time and desiring to go back to it. He glances around once more, before staring into Byunghun's eyes with a worried expression. "Is this...heaven?" 

He didn't get an answer, instead, Byunghun slowly began to fade away. "I'll be with you soon. Wait for me, please. I love you." 

 

Suddenly, everything is changing. He's coming back, to the real world, he can feel it. His eyes spring open as he gasps for air, he takes in his surroundings, doctors yelling at each other and machines beeping hectically. He can feel his soul leaving him, he can feel the sleepiness yet again, stronger than ever. He breathes out once, and his eyes are wide. 

He realizes he's about to be with his parents again, up above. He's dying, before he gets the chance to say goodbye. He wanted nothing more than to talk to Byunghun one last time. He thought if he clinged onto that wish, that it would come true. He always heard that all you needed was the will to live, and he definitely had it. But now he realizes hope is pointless, he realizes that no matter how strong his love is, no matter how badly he wishes to stay for just a few more moments, fate will take him when it wants to take him.

He thinks about Byunghun, and how he's leaving him without notice. Memories of his parents come back again, memories of wanting to tell them he loves them one last time, before they disappeared. He realizes exactly what it's like when someone you love leaves suddenly, and that's exactly why he doesn't want the same to happen to his boyfriend. It's not fair for Byunghun to have his true love leave him this early, it's not fair in the slightest bit. It's not fair that they can't exchanges those three little words, one last time. Why can't he stay? Why is death so persistent, and so impatient? Fate is so cruel, fate gives no preparation. It comes suddenly, no matter how hard you try to fight it. 

Even so, Changhyun doesn't care, he blames himself for not being stronger, for not being able to last a little longer. It hurts, a lot. He'll never forgive himself, for being so weak, for leaving so early, for his passion not being able to change fate's decision. The silence that surrounds him reminds him of that date at the beach, and he realizes that silence isn't always comforting. Instead, it can be scary, it can be cruel, and it can be cold. Another tear rolls down, as he prays for his boyfriend to be alright without him. They love each other so much, and that is why it's so hard. His eyes close for one last time, and he feels that one last bit of air filling his lungs. 

_...If I go up before you, I'll wait an eternity to embrace you again. I'll protect you from above, comforting you when you need it... I'll laugh when you laugh, I'll pray for you when you're sad. And when you join me, we will never run out of things to do, and no one will ever again put down our relationship..._

 

"I'm sorry.. B..Byung...." 


End file.
